This one....

Is for me.  I doubt anyone reads this blog anyone, anyhow, there are three others of mine to follow, and this one as been neglected since October.  Time is swinging about again, and in four short months I will have to look back on the year as I fly to the states, pondering over if I actually did anything that matters in the long run.  Sure, I have taught people about verbs and adverbs, made some friends, even help put on an Easter and a Christmas play, but my heart wants a little more, and I am sure that God does too.

I want to be pretty.  There, I typed it.  I know that it is shallow, and that perhaps if I loved God more, I wouldn't feel it.  There it is though, the part of me that wants to put on a cute outfit and makeup, and feel a little more daring because of three layers of mascara.  People blame things on their dad, I know I did for years.  Still do a bit, but now I'm seeing that a lot of it is what he made out of life when it threw him a round of curve balls...What would I have done?  Would I known what to do, how to be a father when I barely had one of my own?  Most likely not, I'd like to paint a watercolor of what should have been, but I'm 25 now, time to stop rewriting the past in my head.

I want to be married.  I stare at couple with their children as they love each other and they love God.  I want that.  I want to wake up with a person who shares my purpose, who I can cook for, tease mercilessly, fight with passionately because we care and love more each time the sun rises.  I don't even have an inkling of how that can happen.  I don't even know people who are headed in the same direction that I am, in part due to the fact that my path in life resembles the rain as it flows down the window, changing direction as the gale blows.  My heart is set on God and I know passions that he has put in my life...how its going to all play out?  Dunno, I don't want it all planned out, I like uncertainty in some measure, the whisper of things to come.

Out I go...